So it's been a while, but today is a big day in the world for lovers. Its also a big day for my mom! Its her birthday. But that really has nothing to do with this post. This post is all about feeling love instead of loneliness.
As some of you know I choreographed a dance a couple years ago to a song called Speeding Cars. The story behind it: A friend of mine who was struggled with his sexuality for a couple years. He made a joke about offing himself because of the fact he was so lost. Although he didnt mean for it to come out as serious as it did, it struck a cord in my heart. Just a few months previous, a friend of mine DID attempt suicide. Luckily we got to him intime, and got him to the hospital. He tells me often he feels empty inside. Just this past year, an old high school friend told me it feels like a dark cloud follows him everywhere. That everything good turns to crap and is in a relationship, just to not feel alone. And then there is my story. I suffered through Jr. and High school feeling less then adequate, like all my friends would drop me in a moment if they found someone else who would let them push her around the way they did me. I felt so empty and lonely and invisible.
The song, Speeding Cars, was my way to bring attention to a very real issue in the world today. Working with youth, I see it more and more, ever so present, in the lives of the people around me.
Oh, I guess I'll explain the story the song and choreo told. Its about a person who is living in the world. Trying to get through there day to day life. The world around them is so busy and lonely, they try different methods of trying to feel something, just to realize that there was someone walking through it all with them. That everything they did, He was there for, catching and holding. And then they realize that they arent alone.
It's weird to me that for so long I felt like I was alone and invisible, yet when I hear one of my youth say they feel that way, I wonder how its possible. How can someone as awesome and lovable as you, feel so far away?
"The LORD is close to the brokenhearted
and saves those who are crushed in spirit." psalm 34:18 (NIV)
I have been asked, "how did you turn it around for yourself?" I didn't really know how to answer that, I mean, it was a while back. But I guess, in all actuality, I didn't! I mean, ya, I took some steps, but I couldn't do it on my own. First of all, I had to want more for myself. I had to know I was worth it. "Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight." 1peter 3:3&4 (NIV)
Know that you are worth more then your weight in gold! No matter what you've done, God loves you! "What's the price of two or three pet canaries? Some loose change, right? But God never overlooks a single one. And he pays even greater attention to you, down to the last detail—even numbering the hairs on your head! So don't be intimidated by all this bully talk. You're worth more than a million canaries." Luke 12:7 (The Message)
Once I knew that I was worth something to God, it made me want to search Him out. I wanted to invest in Him. And that's when I started to feel His presence.
Even though I am single on this Valentines day 2011, I do not feel alone, and I know I am loved. My prayer for you, is that YOU would feel this love. And if no one has told you this today, let me be the first to say, I love YOU!
