Another Sleepless Night

So as I am laying in bed, awaiting your "goodnight" text, I reflect on all that has been going wrong lately. My supposed "best friend" kicks me to the curb, he's decided Im worthless to him. Every guy I've ever liked as held my hand, even tried to kiss me (never successful) but found "someone better" and deemed me worthless.
Now I think of you. You have been a solid friend since your best friend broke my heart repeatedly with stupid decisions, and consistent lies. You ask me "are you mad?" so often, because your telling me about some new girl you think you could actually have feelings for. Believe me when I say, I am NOT mad, in fact your happiness means the world to me! Its all I could ever want for you. I am realizing Im just scared. Scared that with this new interest, you'll see what everyother guy has seen in me. Worthlessness. Im scared my one consistant, honest, loyal friend, will toss me to the side.
I have a habit of putting a lot of pressure on people that get to close. Its my defence. I try to push you away before you can hurt me. Thing is, you are now to near and dear. So please don't go away. Please say goodnight.

LA Baby!

So I totally forgot about having a blog. I am so sorry! I dont have anything to exciting to say. Just that Im excited to go to La in a couple of weeks. Goin on my very first and probably only cruise. I figure I should do it now before Im to old and can't. I know there are old people cruises, but I plan on being married so I can't meet a hubby on an old people cruise.. maybe I will on this one though! (People who comment, on the topic of hubbies it must be positive comments only, I do the negative ones enough myself, I need hope!)

I'm BAAAACK!

So sorry I haven't written in so long. I started getting dirty looks from some of you for this. Well I'm back in action!
My reason was simply that I was house sitting, and I dont ever remember passwords.. for the most part I make my computer remember them for me.. since I did not have my computer at the house, this made doing anything but checking emails difficult. however, as of Sat, Im home. Now for the blog portion!
Well what to talk about. Lets see. lately.. since the friend becoming a non-friend, I have been trying to get back in touch with friends that I have kinda left by the way side. I hate that I could possibly have made anyone feel unloved, and am using this hard lesson to remedy any future issues with others.
Recently I have gotten in contact with a friend from 2 yrs ago.. its been about that long since we've hung out it seems. Although we were in contact over the summer. I prayed for a friend of his and there father who had a flesh eating disease. But out side of the random prayer requests there wasnt much talking. Well I decided to change this. Cuz well, he's my friend. And no matter what happened in the past, I still think he's great, and so does my Father (not to be confused with dad, who actually couldnt quite remember him).
Well I felt kinda funny inviting him to hang out, and taking him to my church for a worship night, I didnt want him to think that I wanted to change him so he could be my friend, but I also didnt want to break a promise to 2 other friends. So I informed him of the situation but he was down with it, and we decided we'd go out after if there was something to do!
It ended up we went to the worship night, and he remet a bunch of people he met back in the day, as well as met a new friend, Sam, and then we went with the group to Le Festival! Normally am amazing time, but we got there right at the end and missed a few key events.. example, maple syrup rolled in snow ( I know, extremely sad). However, we eventually made our own fun, with cameras and ice sculptures. I will put up a photo.
Well the next day we hung out again, he came to church with me, then we went out for Applebee's. I was so pleased with the group that came, and we all had so much fun watching Bryan eat 2 lime rines and Shaynes pre-chewed gum.. all for 3 dollars! haha
We are hoping to hang out again, I hope this isnt a say and not do, cuz it was alot of fun!
We should all try a lil harder with our friends, and not expect them to do all the work. Just think of what fun it could be!

WUUUUZZZZZZAAAAAPPPP!

First of all I'd just like to apologize to my fans for the lack of blogging this past week. I'm going to try to get back in it.

So who remembers the days of the "wuzzap?" Goodness, it was in everything from Superbowl commercials to lame comedy flicks. Just plain ridiculous. It annoyed me then and it annoys me now! However I thought of this while listening to my music. How it happened was this:
I for some reason always think of a title, then write from there. Well I couldn't think of anything, as my brain is still stuck on my hurt from the dear old friend. I don't at all want to keep talking about this topic, I just want it to pass. So I turned on the tunes, hoping that I could hear one I wanted to listen to and would inspire some topic. Well I heard a lot of Ciara, and Brittney Spears.. but nothing at all thought provoking.. then, FINALLY, I got to Coldplay. The Scientist, Clocks, and Yellow, and this made me look back on my collage days, which reminded me of high school.. which reminded me of WUUUUUZZZZAAAAPPPPPPPP! Ugh
Weird thing is, I actually wrote notes to friends, and that was first thing said! And I thought it was so annoying! SO WHY DID I USE IT?! Im so silly sometimes. Oh high school. What a crazy time. I was dancing 5 nights a week, driving to and from school, getting paid to drive 2 friends, to and from school.. I didnt have a job, and life was good. Well except that whole hating the world and myself bit. I guess over all Im in a better place now... with faith, an income, friends, travelling, a voice!
This is a very unthought out post, and I am sorry for that. Which life do you prefer? High school years, or your University years.... or if your just working or past that stagewhere does your preference lay?

Times up!

Well as some of you noticed, I posted to a specific person, hoping they'd realize that they don't actually hate me, and I'm not the terrible person they thought I was.. well I gave them about a week to respond via facebook.. which they either decided they didn't want to do, or they STILL haven't been online since I sent it.. Well, Im done waiting. I sent one last message saying they could still call or text if it turns out they just got it late, but other then that, I have deleted them from my facebook friends. Im not sure I can delete the pics of us, cuz as Ive said, I still love the person dearly, and don't regret any time shared... But I'm not going to try annoying them to the point of them lothing me. Removing them from my friends list lessens my chances of doing so. Love you, peace!

Tired

Well its been a few days, so I thought I'd say a few words. I am tired, its 2:50am, I am supposed to be up at 9am so I can be at church for 9:30am.. and Im awake. What is wrong with this picture? Ugh, no more lattes at midnight, ok?

Just shut up!

I have this habit of talking, when I shouldn't. Like right now, I'm really upset about a friend who kicked me to the curb... and so I get all grey inside and start thinking everyone hates me.. I find ways of twisting my own words to make them sound like I said something so mean that a person couldn't possibly love me. Like the other day I made a joke that I like to argue and my friend likes pretty girls.. well I didn't mean it to be offensive, there is nothing wrong with liking pretty girls.. yet this person has hardly said a word to me, and I keep trying to talk to them... so do you hate me? Did what I said somehow hit a nerve? Do you think because I said it, it means I hate this girl I never met? Cuz I don't, why do my firends think I don't want the best for them? How did I become such a terrible person? I think I was better off in my high school days when I didn't talk to anyone. At least that way, I couldn't hurt anyone, cuz no one could get close enough for me to know how to low blow... Im just gonna shut up.